WHY USE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR when all is working well?
Recently a couple came in after a few sessions after examining their problems and finding solutions then left with feeling heard and validated, they then went on their merry way to have a wonderful week together. The next time they came in the husband asked, “Why should we come in still, we are getting along?” Both the wife and the therapist were happy to hear he feels good again, about the relationship, but the session was going to happen anyway.
The therapist began by asking more questions, right down to the triggers of what led them down the dark road, and then proceeded to probe in early childhood experiences for them both.
Unbeknownst the both of them, each did not know the details of each of their childhoods. Each of them had faced difficulties in their own family of origin that were never shared. Sure, storied here and there get related to when a memory is kicked up during an event or another story is told to the other. Rarely, do couples get the chance to witness their partner’s stories being told to a third party with deep curious questions. The canvas that once represented a painting of their spouse’s childhood is now painted with more detail and color. While the therapist is asking questions and learning more about the individual who is sharing his or her story the partner is taking in and drawn into the story with the luxury of empathy and listening without the task of coming up with their own questions, In other words witnessing the narrative of their loved one. Gaining deep insight and deep understanding and compassion and remaining silent.
This has brought a couple much closer to their partner because of the advantage of sitting by his or her side and maintaining neutrality. So, when a husband or a wife come into session after just a few visits and claims all is well, it very well could be, but think of all the possibilities of learning more about your true love and realizing an hour later how much more you know about him or her and how much deeper your love is.
Please Contact Us for a FREE Consultation to see if a Marriage Counselor will work for you.