This is a question that we get asked more than any other question. However, how do you really know if Divorce is the right thing to do for you and your family? You don’t want to be the one breaking up the family, but you are terribly unhappy.
It’s frustrating to experience and it feels like the answer should be easy. The worst part is that big decisions have been discussed with your partner, but this is not a topic you want to bring up. Do you stay for the kids? Do you just muscle through it because all marriages have it rough and maybe this will pass?
Not knowing can put you in this endless cycle of questioning every day and questioning every interaction with your partner. Don’t you wish someone would just make the decision for you? Wouldn’t that be so much easier and also you can tell your family and friends that someone else made the decision and it was based on certain facts and figures?
We can’t decide for you and no one can, but we can help you in the decision making.
Here are some knowns to start and then we can deal with the unknowns:
- Marriage is an extremely important institution to you
- Divorce is the last thing you want to do, but you can’t live the way you are living today. Things have to get better or you know Divorce is the next step.
- If you have children, you don’t want to break up the family because you don’t want the kids to be impacted in a negative way.
- If your partner only did one or two things, your relationship would be so much better.
- Making the decision to divorce is not something you take lightly and that’s why you really want to make sure it is the right decision.
Here are the unknowns that you may need help with (You may be able to answer some of these due to the work you have done already, but it’s important not to make assumptions):
- Can our marriage and relationship improve?
- If you have children, will the kids be affected negatively?
- Can the relationship and marriage improve enough that I will be happy or will it just be good for a month or two and then get bad again?
- Am I the problem?
- Is there something I can do to make things better without my partner changing?
- Is my partner the only problem or is it the way we interact together?
- Is my partner willing to change?
So what’s the next step?
THE WORST THING TO DO IS NOTHING!! YOU REALLY WANT TO TAKE ACTION, BUT YOU ARE AT A LOSS AS TO THE ACTION TO TAKE!
How do you make the unknowns known so that you can make an educated informed decision about your marriage?
Here are some steps to take to help answer the questions above:
- Review the short questionnaire below to help you think through the unknowns. This is a very brief view and can help you think through some things in a deeper way, but in no way is it enough to help you concretely know that you should Divorce or stay married.
- Take our online full marriage assessment. This assessment has been developed over decades and provides us with a 26 page report on the current status of your relationship. The two of you work on the questions separately and when both of you have completed answering all the questions, the report s generated for us. We can also help you understand the results. Email us or call us with the following information: a) Email address for each of you, b) Each of your first names. When contacting us, please make sure you let us know you want the Online Marital Assessment. There is a cost of $35. When you know where your marriage is, the strengths and the areas of improvements, it is easier to make improvements in those certain areas.
- Educate yourself on the impact to the children.
- Start journaling your daily thoughts. Buy a notebook, keep it secret, and during the day journal when things go right and when things go wrong in your relationship. After a week, review what you wrote. Self reflect, talk to an expert about your thoughts and feelings.
- Discuss some negative things with your partner. If you get a lot of defensiveness, it’s time to learn how to talk to each other with empathy and understanding. Point this out to your partner as a relationship issue that you both need to work on. Is your partner or you interested in making this better? If the answer is no, that’s a clear sign that the relationship can’t get better. There also may be a better way of asking the question and making an expert in relationships can help when having this discussion.
- Another option is to contact us to help you work through this decision making. It is not easy on tour own and we are experts at helping people come to a decision.
IS IT TIME TO DIVORCE QUESTIONNAIRE:
- Have you tried to work on some of the issues to improve your marriage? If you have worked on your marriage and feel like it’s not getting better, that’s a clear sign.
- Do you feel either you or your spouse have emotionally checked out of the marriage? This is very common for marriage, but it’s possible to get back the connection.
- Have you envisioned or fantasized what life would look like without your spouse? This is definitely a flag. You are spending time thinking about a future other than with your partner. Not thinking about ways to resolve some of the issues in the marriage and not comfortable that anything can get any better strains the marriage.
- Do you feel like your spouse does not understand you? Sometimes it is just a matter of communication that has to change and improve between you and your spouse. However, this could be a sign of something bigger.
- Do you feel lonely? No one wants to feel lonely and one of the benefits of marriage is having a companion to share your life.
- Have you gone to marriage counseling, but nothing or little has changed? Some try counseling one time and resign themselves to thinking that it does not work. Not only do you have to go but it’s important to find the therapist that has chemistry with both of you.
ANALYSIS OF YOUR ANSWERS:
If you have answered “YES” to most or all of these, you are absolutely on the path of divorce. At this point it may be too late to save the marriage. When at this stage, it is imperative to work immediately to get off this path or make the decision to Divorce. Continuing down this path puts everyone in the family, including children, at risk of emotional abuse.
If you have answered “NO” to most or all of these, you may be contemplating Divorce but your relationship may not be at that critical point.
RESOLVE OR DISSOLVE:
The worst thing you can do is to leave your marriage in a state of limbo. This situation is not ideal because you are living a life you don’t love. It’s bad for your partner because they don’t have all of your love and attention. The children, if any, are learning about relationships from you. This can be toxic for them, causing lifetime issues. Don’t stay in a stuck place, either RESOLVE or DISSOLVE your marriage.
Options When at a Crossroads
Wondering whether you should stay or should you go? Are you living a lie? Some couples are at that stage where they know there are problems in the Marriage, but they are not sure if it is bad enough to divorce. Also, they may feel every marriage has problems and they will overcome them. Unfortunately, when there are problems in the marriage, at some point one spouse in the marriage decides they cannot continue and would prefer to have a happy life.
Here are the options to consider when you may be contemplating divorce, before you call the divorce lawyer:
- OPTION #1: Call us at 1-888-281-2725 or check out the closest location for a FREE consultation to help you come to a decision on whether to stay married or divorce.
- OPTION #2: Try out 3 week Marriage Analysis Program to help us determine if you are candidates for saving your marriage.
- OPTION #3: Purchase our book to either improve your relationship.
- OPTION #4: If you made the decision to divorce:
- Get a free copy of our eBook Divorcing Options to help you understand your options when Divorcing
- Call us at 1-888-281-2725 or check out the closest location for a FREE consultation to discuss the details of your Divorce options. Dana and Don are certified for Mediation, Divorce Coaching, Divorce Financial Analysis and Collaborative Divorce. Also, as part of their team, they have Attorneys that can litigate for you if that is the approach you would like to take. The Attorneys we work with are collaborative in nature and will not fight at all costs.