This feels like disrespect that fuels frustration and it only gets worse. I have heard many women complain about this very problem. Why does a husband ignore his wife?
Many reasons. Once you figure out why he is ignoring you then it’s up to the both of you to stop this behavior and improve your communication. But, first it’s important to find out how this happened and why this is happening. The wife feels like she is clear and kind when speaking to her husband, whether it’s a request such as, “honey, can you pick up your shoes and put them in the closet when you get home.” I’m sure it started out as a request, that was a request based on the wife’s particular liking of how the home should be run.
The problem is, that for the million times he failed to put his shoes in the closet, because he forgot, or he was thinking he was going back out soon, so why take them off, he might be asked to take the garbage out, or walk the dog, etc etc.
So he doesn’t take his shoes off and put them in the closet. He wears them and then when he knows he isn’t going back outside he takes them off by the couch. And that’s where she finds them and flips out. Ignoring reaction from her results in conflict, because he knows what she is going to say, she has said it a million times. In his head he has a dialogue going on. “If I say something she will only scream louder, so I won’t say anything, not now, she’s too mad. I can just wait until she’s done yelling. If I get up and take the shoes, she will probably make me do something else, and I really just want to sit here. I hear her complaining about the shoes, but now she is going on about the dishes and everything else, some of which was 5 years ago, why is she talking about something I did wrong five years ago? I’m certainly not going to say anything now.”
Ignoring you may be punishing you for the fact that you get mad about what he thinks is trivial. If you want him to listen and respond, it’s best to be in a mindset that offers more neutral discussion, like “I feel angry when you don’t respect my wishes to put your shoes in the closet.” Rather than accusatory, “ What’s the matter with you? Why are you so lazy and put your shoes where they belong?” Do you see the difference? What would you rather respond to?
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