How to Leave Your Husband or Wife

When the decision to leave your husband has finally set in, the next question is, “Now What?

Have you made a plan? How are you going to leave and where will you go? Will he go? What if he doesn’t want to leave, or have any place to go? One way to solve this is to discuss this with a mediator, so that the both of you will decide intelligently on how to proceed. There are very deep and strong emotions around this scenario of leaving, and to bring in a adversarial representative for yourself, not to mention costly, this will only fuel the fire. Timing is important. We know that when you cannot stand to be with your husband another week, another day, another minute it’s impossible to try and stay.

However, when impulse drives us to make a decision because of our emotion, we aren’t being as logical as we should be. It is clear to the both of you that the marriage has deteriorated. Both of you probably know you are not going to make your 5, 10, 25 year anniversary. The sadness of that regardless of the disdain you feel is still within your emotional cycle. Feelings can feel like a rollercoaster, one day you despise the guy, the next day you are remorseful that the relationship is over. Grief is processed in five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.(Kubler-Ross) These feelings can fluctuate all throughout the process of separation and divorce and long after for some individuals. Deciding to leave your husband also means breaking up the family this impacts the children as well. How do you tell the children, mom and dad are separating? To answer this would be best to meet with a divorce coach. It can vary depending on the child and his or her development, relationship with each parent, the plan after the separation or move out, etc.

Before you pack up your husband’s suitcase think about how you will manage your life and your children’s lives, not only financially, but emotionally, logistically, who you will share this information with, and what the procedure will be that will hopefully result in an amicable and fair settlement, leaving few scars as possible.


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The Mediation and Family Counseling Group