Compatibility Is Not Enough To Cohabitate

cohabitate and cohabitationJust because you share the same likes and dislikes or your routines and schedules seem to coincide with a similar  lifestyle doesn’t mean you are ready to move in together. Living together can be fun at first and more affordable than living in two separate households paying twice as many bills. Co-habitating has been studied and determined to be one of the most difficult challenges to face second to being in a committed relationship.
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In our book Conscious Coupling: Positive insight for Long Lasting relationships shared by two divorce mediators, we point out that co-creating is a strategy just like running a business. Don’t over look the problems and issues that lie ahead just because you are both in love and just want to be together. Without making a plan or even an exit plan in case it doesn’t work the fantastic paradise of living together can be your worst nightmare. To cut to the main point of what can be a disaster is the mere slip of who has the most power in the household. It may start of to be equal, such as on a Saturday morning, she says, “ What do you want to do today?” and he says, “ what do YOU want to do today?” to “ I don’t care it’s whatever you want to do,” to “ I’ll do whatever you want to do”, and it just goes on like that…. At the onset of co-habitating.  Let’s project to the future. Now, it’s Saturday morning and she’s like, “ Don’t you want to go out and get a haircut this morning?” Because she needs “me time” and he says, “ I thought you were going to the gym, or shopping or isn’t there a baby shower somewhere in town? Because he wants “He time”.  This should be an open discussion without having to hint around. Another hidden problem lurks when one partner tends to dominate the energy in the room. If one wants to read for example and yet starts to feel the pressure of their partner wanting  “we time” this can really start to eat away and pleasant downtime for both. Again, this personal space and preference really needs to have a forum and a respect. Being clear on each other’s needs for personal time without feeling rejected  or dismissed takes a conversation and a meeting of the minds. That is a healthy cohabitation.

Please Contact us for a FREE consultation to discuss how to cohabitate in the best possible way.

Dana and Don, are co-founders of The Mediation and Family Counseling Group.   We can be reached at www.mediationandcounseling.com, info@mediationandcounseling.com or 1-888-281-2725.

Dana and Don's book, Conscious Coupling, and gain insight on saving your marriage.
Read about what Dana and Don say about relationships in their book, Conscious Coupling.

The Mediation and Family Counseling Group